2023 Runner-Up at the 25th Victorian ABIA Awards!
It’s the time of year again, and as terrifying as it is to see how the months have gone by so fast, the reality is that the biggest party of the year is coming up, that being the end of year Christmas extravaganza!
Whether you’re ushering in that news with shrieks of joy or cringing with regret after last year’s madness, be sure that you’re ready for 2017’s Christmas to come by following these simple festive tips.
Be ready for awful sweaters: An unspoken tradition that won’t seem to go away. It seems like ugly sweaters make their big debut around this time of year and the uglier the design the better. If it looks like you’ve raided the wardrobe of Wham’s “Last Christmas” video set, you’re doing it right.
Expect terrible presents: Yes, it’s the thought that counts, but that doesn’t provide immunity from the utter “sick” and disgust you feel when you get an awful gift. Urgh, the amount of times I’ve received things like socks and paper weights; “Better yet”, a paper weight hand-made by a child (“Thanks Sonny Jim, I’ll be sure to use this as a shoe scraper instead for when I walk into the house, because this gift warrants that sort of treatment”).
However, be sure to be on your best socially acceptable behaviour by practising your most convincing surprised face, no matter the item.
People telling your embarrassing stories: One of the brutalities of being at a Family Christmas party (apart from being with family) is being open to the unbridled embarrassment of people exposing all your deepest, darkest and most humiliating memories, those of which you thought you’d successfully buried away from the world. No. Like an un-dead demon clutching its way out of the grave, your family will expose the mother-load of your shameful tales and laugh at your expense.
This is uncontrollable; just let it wash over you till you can’t feel anything anymore. Dying inside is your only defence.….
Expect alcohol-induced bad behaviour: This might fit nicely into your repertoire of excruciating tales, but hopefully you’ll get some cannon fodder from someone else’s indiscretions. Office work parties are usually the best for this.
The fine cocktail of alcohol, familiar faces and very bad advice from colleagues usually makes for an environment where people show their inner selves, not all being comfortable to endure.
I remember once being chased around the dance-floor by the usually-quiet tech guy in the same way that your dad chased you up the stairs as a kid to scare the shit out of you. Make it all worth your while by bringing a camera to film next year’s-worth of blackmail material.
Maintaining the Christmas spirit with the generosity of a fine meal: The best way to have an amazing Christmas (and avoid some of the alcohol related issues mentioned prior) is to put on a Christmas spread that’ll keep the whole crowd satiated and provide a platform for some merry/ memory making.
Whether you’re going for finger foods for an office party or a full on cornucopia of festive delights for your family feast (which you can take the credit for), check out our catering options as well as be sure to book in advance to secure a menu perfectly tailored to suit your party ambitions. You’re sure to have a Christmas to remember for all the right or wrong reasons!
See our Christmas menus here!